Operation: Get Arthur A Boyfriend
by eatingmania
Summary: Cobb accidentally outs Arthur to Adriahne, who promptly makes it her mission to get him a boyfriend. Of course, Arthur being a very private person, is already in a relationship with Eames that he refuses to tell anyone about.
1. Chapter 1

"And then once in a gay bar, Arthur got so drunk that-"

"What? Arthur's gay?" Exclaimed Ariadne. Cobb was in the middle of telling Ariadne that Arthur was not actually that uptight of a person and that he had his moments, he just usually did not mix his personal life with work.

Everyone in the warehouse, which included Yusuf and Eames as well as Cobb and Ariadne, went silent. Cobb looked uneasy; the gay thing was not really his job to tell. Eames on the other hand raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"I wasn't suppose to tell you that," smiled Cobb "and if he asks, I did not tell,"

They were all about to get back to work when Ariadne clasped her hands together.

"I've got it! All we need to do is find Arthur a boyfriend and then he can be less of a cool cat."

Eames nearly choked on his coffee.

"Good luck with that one. love."

"Agreed," nodded Cobb who exchanged glances with Eames. Ariadne thought they were agreeing on it being an impossible task. She was going to prove them wrong.

"So, do you guys know what kind of guys he likes?" Ariadne asked, pen and paper all ready.

Yusuf was about to make something up when he caught Eames's glare.  
"I think he likes ...guys with accents," He made sure that it did not anger Eames.

"And tattoos. I believe he likes men with tattoos," smirked Eames.

"Arthur and tattoos? What a joke. Come on, what else?" replied Ariadne, dismissing Eames completely. Eames on the other hand looked quite pissed; he was pretty sure Arthur found his tattoos sexy.

Cobb gave a laugh before suggesting that Arthur liked men who cuddle, ballroom dances and cooks French cuisine. Eames tried very hard not to kill Cobb right then and there.

Yusuf was also about to tell her that Arthur favourite cereal is Coco Pops when Arthur walked in looking impeccable in his three piece suit, as always.

"Hey Arthur, Cobb's inviting us all for drinks tonight, you coming?" questioned Ariadne suddenly.

"Really? What's the occasion?" asked Arthur as he put his suitcase down.

"Um, just something before this big job with Fisher," smiled Cobb who then turned to Adriadne, it was his turn to glare.

"Sure," replied Arthur before settling down at his seat. Eames walked over to to clasp his shoulders loudly and whispered before walking away:

"You better be prepared for tonight,"

Something was not right; Arthur could almost feel it...


	2. Chapter 2

As the extraction team walked down the street, not a lot of words were exchanged but all agreed to walked into the nearest bar when the rain started to pour. However they were stopped by a bouncer who announced they were not on the list before anyone said a word.

"We are friends of Mr. Saito," said Cobb professionally.

The bouncer took a look at Cobb and asked,

"The word?"

"Carpet," and they all followed Cobb in, dumbstruck.

"Um, how?" Muttered Eames as they all sat around a booth facing the bar and the dance floor.

Arthur smiled and replied,

"Some previous job we did that lead to some insight."

They were all just getting comfortable when Ariadne pointed at the bartender and said,  
"He cute isn't he, Arthur?"

Arthur glanced at her with a weird expression before taking a peep at the bartender and back to her.

"Sure Ariadne," Arthur paused. "Why are you asking me?"

"Thought you might be interested," answered Ariadne absent-mindedly. Cobb, Yusuf and Eames were all trying to hide their laughter when she added "I thought you would appreciate guys with green eyes."

"I don't actually pay that much attention to eye colour," was the only response Arthur could give before Ariadne slide out the booth pulling him along towards the bar, announcing that they were going to order drinks.

"She didn't even ask what we wanted," said Yusuf, well out of their ear shot.

Back at the bar, Ariadne and Arthur were waiting for their 5 pints of beer when Ariadne was scouting for potential new boyfriends and soon noticed someone else across the bar.

"I think there's someone interested at you. Two o'clock," nudged Ariadne at Arthur. Arthur took another quick glance and replied,

"Maybe he's looking at you."

"I doubt it. When you looked over just now, I swear he smiled at you,"

Arthur sighed and looked again. There sat a guy who wore a navy dress shirt and had dark brown hair. He was now giving Arthur a seductive smile before slowly taking a sip of his liquor on rock. Arthur returned a polite smile before turning around to face Ariadne.

"Um I have to tell you something. I'm not actually-"

"Gay? Don't kid me, I know," interrupted Ariadne who went back to waiting for their drinks. Arthur was going to say 'not actually looking for a relationship' because he was in one but clearly Ariadne did not want to listen. He was not ready to tell her about his relationship with Eames; after all, he only knew each Ariadne for a couple of weeks and did not want to make a fuss about it. He decided to take the 3 pints that were ready back to the table first to avoid more drama.

"Now which one of you, so eloquently told her I was queer?" Questioned Arthur who stood in front of Cobb, Eames and Yusuf with his arms crossed.

"Dom did," exclaimed Eames cheerfully before dragging Arthur back down into the booth.

"You," as Arthur pointed at Cobb. Cobb simply took a long sip of his beer and grinned at Ariadne when she came back.

"Ariadne, I'm not interested in finding-" explained Arthur but was interrupted when a waiter came over with a drink and placed it in front of him.

"Compliments from the gentleman at the bar," said the waiter who pointed to the guy in the navy dress shirt before leaving. All eyes followed his fingers, followed by approving nods and giggles. Arthur turned a lovely shade of crimson before sipping his new drink and gave navy shirt an appreciative nod and smile.

"I think he likes you," whispered Eames in Arthur's ear.

"He has nice eyes," said Yusuf with a grin.

"Maybe you should say hi to him," suggested Cobb.

Arthur decided all of them were on his death list. He himself remained at his seat trying to act as if he was not affected by all this nonsense.

As if things could not get any worse, navy shirt actually walked towards their table and introduced himself as 'Greg'.

"Arthur," muttered Arthur and shook Greg's hand.

"I couldn't help to notice that finely tailored three piece suit of yours," complimented Greg who looked at Arthur swiftly from toe to head.

"Um, thanks," responded Arthur. This was getting slightly uncomfortable.

"I also think you are sexy in that three piece suit," whispered Eames even closer to Arthur's ear and had a hand on Arthur's upper thigh. Arthur shoved Eames's hand away and gave Greg an apologetic.

"I hope I'm not intruding on anything," said Greg to the team before addressing Arthur personally, "I hope that you join me on the dance floor,"

"What a gentleman," exclaimed Ariadne quietly. Arthur restrained his urge to kick her under the table. He turned his attention to the dance floor instead; it looked more like a grind-floor to him.

"I'm really sorry but we are having a meeting of some sort," explained Arthur nicely. Greg was about to leave when Cobb raised his voice and said,

"Its okay, the meeting can wait. Why don't you go join him Arthur?"

Arthur's eyes could not open wider in horror.

"Yeah, go and have some fun," said Yusuf who was exchanging happy glances as Ariadne.

Before Arthur could resist again, Eames practically pushed him out the booth.

"Have fun, darling," smirked Eames and took a sip out of Arthur's new drink.

On the dance floor, things could not be more awkward. It was hot because there were a lot of people. A lot of sweaty people grinding to the left and right and back. Arthur was in a dress shirt and vest trying to act interested at a guy named Greg. He will admit that Greg is good looking but he was not in the mood to make small talks or answer questions about his likes and dislikes. But it was not before long when Greg thought they had enough mutual interest in each other to dance a little bit closer. By a little bit closer meant an arm was sneaky onto his waist and chests nearly touching.

Eames came out the toilet to Ariadne, Cobb and Yusuf staring at the dance floor.

"Is it that interesting?" Commented Eames who sat down and joined the 'stare at Arthur and that guy' event.

"I think they're hitting off quite well," said Ariadne without taking her eyes off the 'couple'.

Eames looked and looked again. That guy was practically harassing his Arthur, with his arms around him and bodies touching... Eames got up and straightened his shirt and drank the remaining beer in his glass before walking towards the dance floor.

"What is he doing?" Ariadne asked. "Eames is going to ruin my plan!"

"He's being the knight in shining armour," answered Yusuf. Cobb nodded in agreement.

Eames walked right up to Arthur's back and grabbed his shoulders lightly before giving a soft kiss on his neck. Arthur jumped and his own reflex was about to smack whoever that was when Eames whispered,

"Time to go, love,"

Greg gave Eames a cold look that clearly meant for him to back off but Eames just mouthed over Arthur's shoulders, 'He's mine.' Thank goodness there was Arthur to break the tension.

"Hey Greg, it was really nice meeting you but I have to leave," said Arthur politely and was ready to leave and roll his eyes when Greg caught his hand.

"Call me, tomorrow," said Greg before whipping out a pen and writing his name and number on the back of Arthur's palm. Arthur and Eames turned around and headed back to the booth.

"Well that was a party pooper, Eames," commented Ariadne. Arthur waved it off but not without Ariadne noticing the number on his hand.

"Oooh, what's that?" said Ariadne coyly before grabbing Arthur's arm for a closer look, "A number, how sweet. At least Eames didn't ruin everything."

"Whatever you say, girl," said Eames before saying goodbye to the three and pushed Arthur out the bar.

"What was that suppose to mean?" Mumbled Ariadne before taking her phone out.

"What are you doing?" Cobb Asked. Both he and Yusuf peered over her shoulders.

"Writing down Greg's number," remarked Ariadne.

"Smart," said Yusuf.

Arthur was not getting away that easily.


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning!" Eames shouted as he walked in the warehouse the following morning. Arthur arrived a few seconds later looking less exuberant; it was eight in the morning, how could anyone be so cheerful?

Cobb and Ariadne said their good mornings respectively before settling down to do their work. Today was when they are trying out a new brew of sedative that Yusuf mixed together. However 'mixed' was not exactly the correct term, it was more of a separation of compounds, evaporation, distillation and reflux.

"Why is it always me?" Arthur complained who took a seat and lay down.

"Because you drew the short stick," said Cobb before pushing the button and Arthur was soon asleep.

Everyone was standing around Arthur looking for any signs he could be awake. There was an air of silence before Eames poked Arthur gently on the cheek. Nothing happened. Cobb stood closer and leaned in to slap Arthur's cheek, only to look up and find Eames giving him an icily stare. It was clear that Arthur was not going to wake up anytime soon.

Ariadne suddenly started to look inside Arthur's pockets.

"What are you doing?" Questioned Eames, people seriously needed to get their hands off his Arthur.

"Finding his phone," answered Ariadne before putting her hands inside Arthur's inner jacket pocket. "Found it."

"What for?"

"To say hi to Greg of course! They are so having dinner together." Ariadne started texting Greg right away via Arthur's phone.

"No they're not." Eames was already raising his voice.

"We'll see," remarked Ariadne who placed Arthur's phone back to its original place.

"He doesn't even like this Greg guy," explained Eames.

"How do you know?"

"Arthur said it himself!"

"You're just jealous Arthur has a date you don't."

"Jealous of-"

"Okay, okay," shouted Cobb over them, "If this date dinner thing happens-"

"Yeah right it's going to happen," snapped Eames.

"If it happens," repeated Cobb louder, "we could just get a table and look at them from a distance. Then make a judgment."

"Admit it Cobb, you just want to see Arthur in an awkward situation," said Yusuf before tipping Arthur and his chair backwards.

Just then a beep message rang and Arthur who was now on the floor promptly got his phone out, paused and read aloud,

"I would love to have dinner with you tonight. I've booked a place for two at an Italian restaurant. Greg."

"I wonder how he got your number," said Ariadne casually.

Silence.

"You guys are setting me up on purpose aren't you," commented Arthur, looking at all of their guilty faces, standing there in front of him. No one spoke. Arthur looked rather annoyed and started to text back.

"What are you doing?" Yusuf asked, breaking the silence.

"Declining the date, obviously," replied Arthur who kept sending Eames 'what the hell' looks while Eames just tried to look innocent.

"No! You can't do that!" Ariadne said frantically, "I mean, isn't it more polite to decline him face to face?"

Arthur thought for a moment before saying,

"If I do this, would you guys stop all this mess?"

"Sure!" Ariadne exclaimed, "Now, where is the restaurant?"

For one reason or another, Arthur was sure he would not be the only one on this 'date'.

-That Night-

Arthur left the warehouse early to prepare for his 'date' and at exactly six thirty, Greg called to say he was downstairs of his apartment. Together they walked to the restaurant which was only a few blocks away. On the way, Arthur learnt that Greg is a solicitor who works specifically on housing and banks. He likes to watch Grey's Anatomy and listens to U2 a lot. Strange enough, Arthur found him rather easy to talk to and they soon strike up a conversation about the newest production of Les Miserables, how the guy who played Marius did not have enough passion and how no one could replace Colm Wilkinson.

It was not before long they arrived at the restaurant and was greeted with a familiar face; to Arthur that is.

"Welcome. Do you have a table reserved?"

"Yes we do, under Walters, a table for two," said Greg; clearly he did not recognize that that was Eames. But then again Eames currently has black hair and thick eyebrows.

"Yes, for two. Please follow me," replied Eames who was now 'John'. Arthur half expects the real waiter to be tied up in the restroom in his undershirt because Eames stole his clothes.

They followed 'John' to a table of two situated in the middle of the hall and when he offered to take Greg's suit jacket to the cloak room, Arthur just stared at Eames as Eames pick pocketed John's wallet before giving Arthur a wink and left.

This was going worse than expected.

Arthur decided to order, eat, pay and go as soon as possible before any further embarrassment. One slight problem, he has not thought of a way to reject Greg, explaining that this was all a prank seemed unsuitable; especially since the menu was so costly.

"Would you like to share a starter before having a main course each or?" Greg Suggested.

"Um, sure. However I'm not familiar with Italian cuisine. Is there any suggestions?" Arthur answered as he looked around the restaurant for anyone else that looked familiar.

"It's okay, I'm not pro but I've been here before. The Prosciutto di Parma is quite nice, and so is the Ligurian. It's made with fresh herbs that are specially flown in from Italy."

"Oh sure," said Arthur who was not really paying any attention because he just spotted Yusuf and Ariadne, "Is there any risotto?"

"Yeah, there's a seafood one which is quite light. I think we should start ordering." Greg put his hand up for service and it was not before long when Arthur heard someone spoke with a really bad Italian accent.

"Yes sir, what can I order for you?"

Arthur looked up to see Dominic Cobb in a suit with a small notebook and pen. He wished he was in a dream right now so that he could publically shoot Cobb in the head.

"We'll start with the Prosciutto di Parma for starters, followed by the Ligurian and seafood risotto. Oh and also the Acqua pazza, that's all thanks," said Greg who did not notice Cobb leaning over him to see what he was actually ordering on the menu.

"The Acqua-" asked Cobb who squinted his eyes at the menu.

"The Acqua pazza, the Neapolitan poached fish with black olives," answered Greg, thinking it was himself who spoke to fast and not Cobb's inability to understand Italian.

"Oh yes," said Cobb who only squinted his eyes tighter; he hates olives.

Back at the table where Ariadne, Yusuf and Cobb were sitting, Eames just came back with Greg's wallet and sat down before putting it on the table.

"Now let's see how much we can know about Greg," said Eames before pouring Greg's wallet upside-down.

"Oooh, Armani VIP card," commented Ariadne.

"Nice wallet, its real leather as well," said Yusuf who was now stroking the wallet.

"Comic-Con four day pass," read Cobb.

"Oh my god. He even has the Supernatural room key with Jared and Jensen on it!" Ariadne exclaimed.

Frankly, Eames was not impressed. Then suddenly Eames heard the background music change to deep Italian voice and put out a hand to stop everyone else from talking so that he could listen properly.

"It's Andrea Bocelli," murmured Eames.

"So?" Yusuf and Ariadne said together.

"It's Arthur's favourite non-English male singer," said Eames before rubbing his face.

Cobb only let out a small giggle.

Arthur was in the middle of talking about his opinion on the animated film, Despicable me when he heard 'Vivo per Lei' playing in the background and paused.

"I really like this song," commented Arthur and listened for a moment before taking a look towards where the team is sitting. For a second, he felt slightly guilty for actually enjoying the meal. But that feeling was soon gone when the dessert menu came.

The dessert menu came with Eames who came with Greg's wallet.

"I think you dropped this," said Eames toward Greg before smiling at Arthur. Arthur just scowled at him.

"Thanks, that wallet means a lot to me," thanked Greg before turning to Arthur and said,

'It was given to me by my brother."

Arthur just smiled before realizing Eames had not left.

"Might I just ask, is the food satisfactory?" Eames asks before placing down the dessert menu and picked up their unfinished plates.

"Its fine, thanks for asking," replied Arthur who frankly could care less if his risotto was only half finished.

"Excuse me, we weren't done yet," said Greg angrily but Eames took no notice of him and left. Greg was about to call for the manager when Arthur suggested they go. So they paid and left only before Arthur mouthed,

"Do NOT follow me," to his fellow teammates as he passed their table on the way out.

On the way out, Greg and Arthur were walking in relative silence. After all the only agreed to leave and had not decided what to do next.

"So, do you want to head for drinks?" Greg suggested, a feeble attempt to start a conversation.

"No," said Arthur simply.

"Dessert?"

"No." Arthur was trying very hard to not simply shout that this was all a set up.

"There's a McDonalds 'round the corner if you just simply want an ice-cream," said Greg and without knowingly the were both walking towards that direction. Before either of them walked in, Arthur came to a standstill and faced Greg.

"Look Greg, dinner was fantastic and it was amazing to finally find someone who listens to Billy Joel as well as AC/DC but this dating thing isn't going to work," said Arthur really quickly, trying to avoid eye contact. Greg exhaled a deep breath before saying,

"I knew something was abit off, your mind seemed to be drifting to places tonight. Was it someth-"

"No no no no no, it wasn't you. It's just I'm not really avilable for a relationship right now. I mean we're more like Han and Luke than Han and Leia from Star Wars if you get my point,"

"I get your point as in something doesn't click but not the Star Wars reference..."

"In short, I like you. But I dont like you like you, which means I would love to have ice-cream with you as friends."

Greg simply smiled and gave Arthur a small peck on the cheek before saying,

"It's alright, this wasn't meant to be serious, for me anyways," and they exchanged their goodbyes before Greg crossed the road towards the subway station.

Arthur just stood there for a moment and was about to head back to say all this was done and dusted when he heard Eames shout from behind.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM KISS YOU,"

Way to ruin a sentimental moment, thought Arthur before turning around to see Eames walking at a hurried pace towards him and the team idly following behind.

"It was only a friendly kiss, Eames," replied Arthur who did not expect Eames to wipe his cheek with his thumb.

"So, you're mine," whispered Eames. Arthur rolled his eyes before letting Eames giving him a small kiss.

"Well that didn't work," said Ariadne who walked up to Arthur and Eames, "better luck next time."

Cobb and Yusuf both frowned, how could she miss the kiss between Arthur and Eames? It clearly signalled that they were a couple.

"There isn't going to be a next time," said Arthur, pointing at Ariadne and turned around to walk down the road with his arms around Eames's waist. It was Ariadne's turn to just stand there, dumbstruck. How could she have missed that?

"You should have just told me you were dating Eames," shouted Ariadne.

"I tried to," shouted back Arthur without turning his head.

Ariadne was about to say something else but stopped herself and decided to join Yusuf and Cobb who were in McDonalds ordering ice-cream. You would think men with that kind of paycheck would only buy ice-cream imported from France or something.


End file.
